You know what am I doing now?
Blogging (obviously) while waiting for Subuh.
Blogging (obviously) while waiting for Subuh.
I have just printed the final term paper an hour ago and submitted my thesis for hardbound few hours ago.
You know how I feel few minutes ago?
Free. I feel free.
Free. I feel free.
How I feel now?
Shitty. Yes.
Shitty. Yes.
Why?
Because I am not so free after all.
Because I am not so free after all.
I may offend people here so you might wanna stop reading if you don't want to get hurt.
So I worked my ass off day and night to get my thesis and assignment done.
But several minutes prior printing out my final one, I found out that my sharing happiness about my assignment to other people can be depressing to some.
Okay. Sorry. Really, sorry.
I listen to people's progress all the time and I get very excited for them --
because I look forward to reading other people's final work.
And I find them progressing so quickly as a motivation --
if they can do that, I can do it too!
if they can do that, I can do it too!
So I worked my own battle with these final thesis and term papers.
When I don't get enough sleep, people say that's not healthy. But I do sleep, six hours. Sometimes when I am less worried, I could go up to nine hours.
I go to the library wayyy too often compared to previous semesters -- okay, actually the only semester I spent night and days at the library for weeks.
I came home to people watching drama and YouTube and series and stuff. I was envious.
How do they get to watch all stuffs when I could only be favoriting and subscribing and refraining myself from watching stuffs I like?
I came home to empty house sometimes -- because they went out for outings and meetings and cinemas and stuffs.
How could they hang out so much when I have to carefully mind my budget to pay for my thesis hardbound covers?
With my library gang, they always tell me that they have finished doing this and that. And I feel so motivated when they do this. My friends announce on Twitter how they have done plenty of chapters while I was crawling with my front chapters.
But I found those rather motivating.
It often comforts me to have someone who have accomplished so many so I could refer to them while I am doing mine.
Yet one day, I came home and someone told me off.
Someone told me that I should "stop rubbing my happiness on their face".
Someone told me that "it's not wrong to share my happiness but it is annoying".
It happened.
And I was crushed.
And I was crushed.
I look forward to graduate together with everybody because we have been through many together.
Yet, at the last point, I was rubbed off.
Yet, in the end, my motivation does not matter.
Yet, my asking people's progress is considered rude.
Yet, at the last point, I was rubbed off.
Yet, in the end, my motivation does not matter.
Yet, my asking people's progress is considered rude.
Yet, this is how I get to end one bloody of a hell sprint.
Okay? K.
footnote: I was hit by fever few times during this final sprint. Praying for better health ahead. Ramadan Kareem to everybody and happy fasting!
footnote: I was hit by fever few times during this final sprint. Praying for better health ahead. Ramadan Kareem to everybody and happy fasting!
